What if I'm missing something important? What if the other option was better?

What if I'm missing something important? What if the other option was better?" This feeling is familiar to anyone who has ever faced a choice — where to study, where to work, which direction to take in life. Does this sound like you?

This time, we're talking about the syndrome of missed opportunities — how to stop fixating on what didn't happen and start living for yourself.

 Together with Dina Zafesova, a leading psychologist at the HSE University Center for Psychological Counseling, we've put together guidelines to help you cope with this state and restore your sense of self-reliance.

• Recognize your basic worth. Remind yourself: I exist - and that in itself matters. What matters is what I love, what suits me, what works for me, what I feel. Even if I'm not achieving anything right now my very existence is already valuable.
• Describe your values. What in this world aligns with your understanding of what's important?What do you personally rely on in relationships and in life as a whole?A clear understanding of your values helps you stop chasing after others'.
• Remember who you are as a person.What qualities and abilities do you possess? What have you already overcome, and thanks to what? What are your limitations? What do you still need to learn, and whatis definitely not for you?
• Acknowledge your achievements and goals.What have you already accomplished in your life? What goals still lie ahead? What will you needto achieve them - what external and internal resources?
• See your uniqueness. You live in your own unique circumstances - external and internal.So many factors influence your life that your path resembles no one else's.Ask yourself: how can I achieve what matters to me?
• Distinguish between what's yours and what's not.Where does something come from the outside, and where does it come from within?Do you truly need what others present as important, obligatory, or defining of their worth?Separate external templates from your true desires.
• Accept that not all good things in life will happen to you. There will always be something missed,overlooked, unattained, unfulfilled. That's normal.Allow yourself to feel sadness, regret, frustration,grief.
• Treat yourself with support.Don't scold yourself for missed opportunities.Sit with those feelings.And allow yourself to accept support from others - you deserve it.